The Wise Turtle

be a good friend

Please, only attempt to administer this treatment if you are feeling reasonably healthy and understand it reasonably well. If you aren't confident in your abilities, find someone else who is, and give them these instructions. A professional counselor who is trained in this kind of technique is ideal, but if one is not available, or while wating for one to show up, you can definitely help your friend heal.

When someone is suffering emotionally - angry, raging, depressed, terrified, extremely sad, etc. - the following emergency treatment can help bring them back to a healthy balance. It is very important that the steps be done in order. If you try to move on to a later step before they are completely done with an earlier one, the person will get worse, because the steps build a platform for their thoughts and emotions to stand on. If the base of the platform isn't solid, their thoughts and emotions will topple over again. Sometimes these steps can take minutes, hours, or even days for extreme cases. So be patient, all healing takes time.

This list is based on research on human developmental needs, primarily Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs theory, as well as many other scientifically tested and proven methods for calming individuals who have been subjected to extreme emotional stress, including the SET and DBT techniques used by mental health professionals.

important!

Remember, these steps must be done in order. Only move to the next step when the individual has clearly indicated that they have completed it. If you are not sure if they have completed a step, let them take the lead in the conversation.

step 1. Safety!

People need a safe place to recover, where there are no immediate threats to mind, body, and spirit (or head, body, heart, if you prefer). Help the individual find a quiet, calm, reassuring environment to be in.

Say to them: "I'm here, and I want to make sure you are safe. Is there anything you need to feel safe right now?"

And then try to remove any threats that they bring up as best you can, or at least assure them that the threats will be gone soon.

step 2. Understanding

People need to know that their thoughts and feelings are real and that someone understands them. Their thoughts and feelings may not be rational, but they are absolutely real, and need to be validated for the individual to come back to reality. Let the individual know you are there for them, let them vent if they need to, and listen as calmly and compassionately as possible to all of their fears and concerns.

Say to them: "It seems like you are very angry (or sad, or scared, etc.) about what happened. What are you worried about, specifically?"

You don't need to encourage them to go on and on, but do let them have some quiet time to just release all their pent up thoughts and feelings until there don't seem to be any more left. Then give them some time to rest quietly before moving on to the next step.

step 3. Realistic Hope

Step 3. Realistic Hope - people need to realize that everything changes, including their current feelings and thoughts, and even the situation itself. Help them look at what they've been able to accomplish in the past - how they've overcome similar obstacles - and give them your own realistic visions of a better potential future.

Say to them: "Remember when you (had a similar problem to the current one)? It sucked for a while, but then you discovered (something good about the situation, or a new way to approach it). I think that this time you'll figure out something even better."

When the individual can come up with their own memories of past successes, and seems to have a realistic vision of a better future, then you can move on to the last step...

step 4. Healthy Problem Solving

Help the individual seek out advice and assistance from others who know how to move into a healthier situation. This may mean consulting a professional, talking to people who've been through similar situations, lots of research and experimenting, or maybe just a really good hug!

Want more? Inspired? Just want to share your thoughts? Contact The Wise Turtle and see what she has to offer you!

If you have found these thoughts useful, consider making a donation. For more information on why The Wise Turtle asks for donations, and for suggested donation amounts, please see the Donations link.